I guess the basic sum of it is that life is an ever moving stream and you're carried along with it through your whole life. You get a paddle, sure, you can control where you're going to a certain extent, but you can't control the era that you're born in, and you can't control the place you come from.
Most people probably have a few grand goals in life.. the obvious ones, like getting married, getting a house, having a family. And life is a willing stream, it will carry you to those goals if you let it. Some people fight the stream. Personally, I had fallen to the riverbed.
It's hard to imagine where I'd be if I wasn't working the job I have now. I have little doubt that I could have been doing something the last few years.. something productive and satisfying. I've written about it before, so I won't really go in to great detail, but I often feel as though my calling in life is to be creative.
As I've written in the past, things like cooking, writing.. they're basically making something and at the same time expressing yourself. Actually, one of the earliest dreams I can remember as far as a sort of "ultimate job" involved something from a Dragonlance book. In those books, there's a place call the Inn of the Last Home. It's got a restraunt, and it's located in a tree.. so basically a treehouse restraunt. The tree is gigantic of course, it has a whole village in it's branches. Anyways, I seem to recall they make an excellent baked potato, or something of that manner. So what I wanted to do is make a real life Inn of the Last Home. It'd be up in a big tree, have costumed waiters, and some good cooking.
I guess there isn't really a point to that story, other than to illustrate that both books and cooking were things that I really thought were interesting when I was younger.
Anyways, I've been sort of afraid to say it, simply because it seems like I revert for another couple of months afterwards, but I have been feeling rather awake lately. I still get tired, sure, but it's not the complete blanket of dullness that had been covering my senses for the last few years. I think that if I ever have to take a weekend night shift again, it'll be time to start looking for a new job or a new vocation.
I've ended up purchasing a black automatic transmission Scion tC. I feel as though I should apologize to Mike, but the problem with the Chryslers is that none of the cars that looked especially good were priced in a range I was truly willing to pay for. This car is actually slightly more expensive than my Focus, but since I'm putting about half the cost down I probably should end up paying slightly less overall in the end.
As a final note, I wasn't able to get to the store today, so I've ordered something online. Jim will probably know what it is. Hopefully it'll arrive by Friday....