bakapyrite (bakapyrite) wrote,

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Jive Talkin'

It dawns on me, on occasion, that I am asleep, and that I should be awake. There was a Wednesday, two weeks ago, that I woke up, and lazed about in bed, and it felt good. But usually waking is pain. Lying around feels like I'm missing something. Being upright is a strain. Being at work is like being asleep. The air in my room is stale, as is that of the office. My car has a faint smell of mildew always at the back of awareness. It shudders it's way to work. I suspect my alignment simply is a bit off, I hope it's that, rather than something to do with the engine or it's parts. Rather than enjoying my drive, I fight the stress of worry, and of everyone's headlights in my eyes, causing me pain.

Now, don't get me wrong, here. I'm not writing myself a memoir before jumping off a bridge somewhere. It's just that, the day-to-day can envelop you, and sometimes you need to take a step back and call out what bothers you.

My life has become somewhat predictable, my sources of power and happiness have reversed themselves or petered down to minimal levels. I used to enjoy my job - I know, it's not something most people would probably say, but for me, it was true. Now I basically sleep overnight in Cambridge on the weekends, and then sleep through the week. Mason, Jim, Bill, and myself get together for net gaming at least once a week, but.. I dunno, it's fairly obvious that Jim is the best of us, Mason and I are of a similar level (though I'd probably give myself the edge.. he would probably give himself the edge though, so.. heh). Bill is Bill. A new guy, Rich, has joined in the "fun", but he's probably about at Bill's skill level, or so, which ain't saying much. But, the point was that these rankings tend to be the same most every week, and so pretty much every game of Half-Life will be dominated by Jim, with myself and Mason fighting for second place. And.. hm, net gaming is fun, but doing it every week, upon reflection, seems sort of like wasting a lot of time. It's sorta like Mason and Magic.. except in that case, it's been so long that it was done to death, that I can occasionally play and have some fun.

In something of an ironic turn, I don't tend to play DDR much any more, and that's something that I'd like to still do. The problem is two-fold. One, Jim tended to be the person I'd play with, and while I would play by myself just because, usually it was to unlock stuff so that when Jim'd be over, we'd have new stuff to do. Two, my room needs to be cleaned, or something. By "or something" what I really mean is that I've been thinking about doing some sort of drastic reconfiguration to my bedroom. Changing the position of the bed, giving more room to the PS2 table, etc. I had lost some weight last year, but I've pretty much gained it back now. So more dancing would be, I think, a good thing.

Anyways, I sort of had a clear sense of something to write about when I started, but now I feel as though I've lost that, so I'll close with my overall point of this. Things being static are good for certain purposes, and a person can only deal with so much chaos in their life. But, on the other hand, endless, vanilla static can cause as much trouble as unceasing chaos. It's officially spring. I guess I need to do some spring cleaning.

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