bakapyrite (bakapyrite) wrote,
bakapyrite
bakapyrite

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What's my age again?

It's funny, because I find Blink 182 to be trite and uninteresting, but I think I've been influenced by one of their songs. They have one with a line that's something like "nobody likes you when you're twenty three". For whatever reason, I've always sort of felt like I stopped paying attention to birthdays after the age of twenty three. Beyond that, I sort of feel like I haven't really progressed in maturity since then.

On the other hand, oftentimes I feel like I'm a twelve year old lost in the confusing world of grown ups. Or else I have some insight into how the world really is and everyone else is only about seven years old, still reacting to the shadow in the corner that's really just a coat.

One of the things that I've been feeling lately is the conflict between what I am and what I was. This is to say, I have a desk in my apartment that acts as shelving, but takes up more space than shelving. But I've had that desk since I was twelve or so. Realistically I should just throw it away, or give it away, and just get some extra shelving which could hold my handful of Playstation games. Then again, in this sort of mood I also look at my Playstation, and my Nintendo in the closet, and I say to myself - do I really need these things anymore?

And yet, if I were to give or throw my stuff away, it almost feels like I'm disrespecting the people that gave me those things, or dishonoring the good times I had with them. In some respects I think I probably have some of the same mentality that Jim ends up complaining about in the form of Bill's room. On the other hand, I know I am capable of saying goodbye to objects, because I should own the objects, they should not own me. Do they?

If someone knows someone that would like some ancient Nintendo games and gear, I pretty much feel like I no longer especially care about them. My Playstation stuff still feels like it has some life to it, although at this point I'm pretty sure my PS2 is mostly hosed and I'd want to get a PS3, but replacing what was stolen and not recovered by the police doesn't seem that exciting either.

Hell, even my anime collection is pretty extensive and hasn't been used in a while. Granted, that's because my PS2 is worn out and I don't have a DVD player for my TV, and I've never been one to watch films at my computer. I think in the case with the anime is that I'd probably have to hang on to some certain selections, but then the rest of it is probably sellable chaff at this point.

I've only visited Jim's house once, but I liked the Spartan feel to his room. Not to say that it was totally bare, but he had some stuff that he used and then that was it. My room is part "place to live" and part "storage facility", and I think eliminating the second part would make the first part feel more comfortable.
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